PONDERINGS:
I have reveled in the fact, as I enter the fourth year of my retirement, that I love being retired more than I could have ever imagined. Besides being free of the stresses that come with being an educator, I have so much more time to think - think about all sorts of things. Sometimes my mind becomes so cluttered with my ponderings that I feel sort of crazed...but in a good way, of course. Retirement has enabled me to find myself in ways I never knew possible. It has opened my eyes to so many things I never had time to deeply think about when I was working. As I approach my 59th birthday in October I find that I do not fear approaching my 60s. I loved being in my 50s more than I ever imagined! What a wonderful time in a woman's life. I am free of so many of the things that used to bring me down. I sometimes feel like I could do just about anything I dream possible because I have shed some of the silly hangups that plague us all as we run through life. I know I'm not invincible, but I love the place I'm in right now.
When I was a working gal, my life revolved around lesson plans, finding ways to help kids who were struggling, brainstorming ways to make lessons creative yet challenging. I spent so much of my personal time funneling all of my energy into my students and their learning for which I was responsible. Yet all along I struggled with the direction education was going and this ate at my heart and soul. It siphoned all of the best of me out and I knew it was time to turn my life into another direction, and that meant leaving teaching. I knew it was time to go when education turned into a testing business, rather than a growing business. When I refer to growing I mean growing kids into whole people - exposing them to situations they would have to deal with in their adult lives, opening their minds to thinking and problem solving, exposing them to different mediums and different ways to learn. That all changed when the beast "No Child Left Behind" was born. At that birth came the death of my spirit as a educator. And so, it was time to move on.
I didn't leave the field of education a bitter woman. I hung onto memories of "the good old days" of education. When it was fun to go to school every single day. When I looked forward to dreaming up lessons that would take kids places they hadn't been before. When I had the chance to actually get to know my students and love them for what they were and for what they could become, and where I could inspire them to go. Please know that I am not naive and know that nothing stays the same, and that change is inevitable. I could no longer deal with the teaching to the test philosophy that took over when my district became a factory for pumping out kids who scored well on district and state tests, instead of good human beings with a desire to learn and to become lifelong learners as a result of what they could achieve.
PAUSES:
The pauses in my life (because I actually have time to think about anything and everything) had me looking back on my journey as a teacher. I started teaching in the wild and wacky 70s - peace, love, and doves. My career began in the open classroom environment - no walls, "pods", sitting on the floor in circles, TALKING to kids and LISTENING to what they had to say. Of course there was a lot wrong with that whole philosophy, but it evolved into looking at children as people, to nurture them and help them discover who they could be and where they could go with the knowledge they obtained. While we had no "formal" measures of accountability, teachers took pride in what they did for kids. I know my critics would say that our U.S. schools were failing our kids and that we lagged behind the rest of the world...and they might be right - but it sure beat where we are today. I don't fear accountability, or disagree that it should be in place, but I am just not sure the direction in which it is headed is the right way.
I had the privilege to speak with two retired "old timers" a few weeks back and our conversation led to the current state of education. We talked about how much we loved teaching and looked forward to each day. Today's young educators are so unhappy, so stressed out, filled with anxiety and doubts - many simply choose to walk away from it. I could go on and on about this, but suffice it to say, I am glad I chose to leave my profession when I did and have never regretted one single minute.
PEACE:
Back in June of 2009 I embraced my new life slowly and methodically at first. I wondered how I would fill my days at first...and now I just don't know how I ever fit working into my life! I am busy every day - sometimes I have plans with friends, sometimes I do something creative, sometimes I shop, read, or simply play on my Mac. And you know what? It rocks! I have been able to feed my creative passions in so many ways. Finding Pinterest has opened me up to a whole new world of creative possibilities. I have found a new level of excitement with all the things I can do with my crazy creative soul. I have taken online and in-class courses in photography and different mediums of art. So fulfilling to be able to enhance my realm of possibilities in so many forms of creating. I honestly feel giddy sometimes, and I am loving it.
