Sunrise Sunset Sept. 7. 2012

A couple days ago I received the worst news I've had in a long while.  My friend Judy Winer had passed away.  Her sister called me to tell me the horrible news.  For that one moment my mind went blank, and then began to go in so many directions.  When had I last seen her?  I will never see her again.  I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.  I miss her.  So many thoughts and none that Judy could know.  I so badly wanted to hear her distinct voice again.  I wanted her to ask me about my family as she did every time we talked, whether in person or on the phone.  It was never about her when you spoke.  It was always about her friends and what was going on in our lives.  If you asked her about herself, she deferred it back to what was going on in my life.  And this was genuine.

I had met Judy back in 1974, when I was fresh out of college, a newlywed, and a very  new first year teacher at Nathan Hale School.  Judy taught 6th grade and I taught 5th. Never in my life had anyone become an instant friend like her.  We became soul mates, or BFFs as people would say today.  It was a connection like none other in my life, besides the connection I have with Artie.  Our friendship blossomed quickly and Judy and her then husband, and Artie and I bonded as couples.  We began to socialize together and enjoyed each other's company.

Judy was with me through my first pregnancy and delivery, and quickly became "Auntie Judy" to my daughter, Lindsay.  Soon she would announce her pregnancy, her first and only, and she was so excited.  Katie Leigh was born and we became mothers together.  We shared stories of our experiences and reveled in being moms.

As life would have it, ugliness entered her life when divorce became her new reality, when Katie was just 2.  Judy didn't lie down and roll over.  She tackled it as she did everything in life.  I held her when she buried her mother, and then her father.  We cried together at life's changes.  She became a junior high math teacher, then an assistant principal, and finally principal.  She was a strong leader, who always sided with her teachers.  She dealt with so many difficult situations in her tenure as an administrator, but she never let anyone know how hard it was.  She dealt with difficult parents on a daily basis, but always kept her humor and wit.

Six years ago she suffered a heart attack, the day before she was to retire.  I didn't learn about it until months after it happened.  Typical Judy.  Not wanting anyone to have to "bother" with her unfortunate experience.  She recovered from this setback and went on to live her life to its fullest.  She traveled frequently - with close friends and sometimes Katie.  She had other medical issues, but never let on just how serious they were.  It was those medical issues that eventually took her away too soon.

Some of the greatest laughs I've ever had - belly aching laughs - we shared with Judy.  We shared a love of Pink Panther movies and up until the last time I saw her we still laughed about certain lines from those movies.  She showed me her bling-ed out iPhone case, so typical of Judy.  She loved rhinestones, diamonds, glitter, jewels...BLING.  When I saw her last we laughed out loud when we saw that we were wearing similar clothing, and had almost identical purses, Charming Charlie, of course.  Soul mates.

Today I watched as they lowered my soul mate into the ground.  I wept, as did so many who came to pay their respects.  I wept because I wanted more of her.  I wanted to see her and talk to her one more time.  I wanted so badly to laugh with her again.  I thought about all the things we should have done together in our retirements.  We were supposed to be old ladies together.  I am sad that Judy will never see Katie get married, something she wanted so badly.  I am sad she will never hold a grandchild and experience the purest and truest love of all.

My heart is emptier now because she is gone.  I leave for Italy today and will take her with me.  I know she would never want me to be sad in such a beautiful place.  As her brother in law said to me today, Judy's death and my leaving for Italy is a true example of Sunrise Sunset.

Sleep in the arms of God, Judy, and be sure to make everyone in Heaven laugh.  Bring them the joy you brought to us on Earth.  Your parents will welcome you back into their arms and you will smile, that wonderful smile I will remember for the rest of my days.

Ponderings, Pauses, and Peace

I have been wanting to post on my blog for quite some time now, but somehow the days just grab hold of me and take me in all sorts of directions.  As I write this it's August 2012, the Olympics are going on and I have been glued to both my computer and the television.  I am an obsessive Olympics fan!  Because I love to swim, and swimming was such a part of my life as a child and young adult, I am fixated on the results of the swimming events over in London.  As I posted on my Facebook page, I find myself breathing for the athletes as they make their way up and down the length of that ginormous pool!  I am seemingly exhausted by the time they finish.  This makes me smile.

PONDERINGS:
I have reveled in the fact, as I enter the fourth year of my retirement, that I love being retired more than I could have ever imagined.  Besides being free of the stresses that come with being an educator, I have so much more time to think - think about all sorts of things.  Sometimes my mind becomes so cluttered with my ponderings that I feel sort of crazed...but in a good way, of course.  Retirement has enabled me to find myself in ways I never knew possible.  It has opened my eyes to so many things I never had time to deeply think about when I was working.  As I approach my 59th birthday in October I find that I do not fear approaching my 60s.  I loved being in my 50s more than I ever imagined!  What a wonderful time in a woman's life.  I am free of so many of the things that used to bring me down.  I sometimes feel like I could do just about anything I dream possible because I have shed some of the silly hangups that plague us all as we run through life.  I know I'm not invincible, but I love the place I'm in right now.

When I was a working gal, my life revolved around lesson plans, finding ways to help kids who were struggling, brainstorming ways to make lessons creative yet challenging.  I spent so much of my personal time funneling all of my energy into my students and their learning for which I was responsible.  Yet all along I struggled with the direction education was going and this ate at my heart and soul.  It siphoned all of the best of me out and I knew it was time to turn my life into another direction, and that meant leaving teaching.  I knew it was time to go when education turned into a testing business, rather than a growing business.  When I refer to growing I mean growing kids into whole people - exposing them to situations they would have to deal with in their adult lives, opening their minds to thinking and problem solving, exposing them to different mediums and different ways to learn.  That all changed when the beast "No Child Left Behind" was born.  At that birth came the death of my spirit as a educator.  And so, it was time to move on.

I didn't  leave the field of education a bitter woman.  I hung onto memories of "the good old days" of education.  When it was fun to go to school every single day.  When I looked forward to dreaming up lessons that would take kids places they hadn't been before.  When I had the chance to actually get to know my students and love them for what they were and for what they could become, and where I could inspire them to go.  Please know that I am not naive and know that nothing stays the same, and that change is inevitable.  I could no longer deal with the teaching to the test philosophy that took over when my district became a factory for pumping out kids who scored well on district and state tests, instead of good human beings with a desire to learn and to become lifelong learners as a result of what they could achieve.

PAUSES:
The pauses in my life (because I actually have time to think about anything and everything) had me looking back on my journey as a teacher.  I started teaching in the wild and wacky 70s - peace, love, and doves.  My career began in the open classroom environment - no walls, "pods", sitting on the floor in circles, TALKING to kids and LISTENING to what they had to say.   Of course there was a lot wrong with that whole philosophy, but it evolved into looking at children as people, to nurture them and help them discover who they could be and where they could go with the knowledge they obtained.  While we had no "formal" measures of accountability, teachers took pride in what they did for kids.  I know my critics would say that our U.S. schools were failing our kids and that we lagged behind the rest of the world...and they might be right - but it sure beat where we are today.  I don't fear accountability, or disagree that it should be in place, but I am just not sure the direction in which it is headed is the right way.

I had the privilege to speak with two retired "old timers" a few weeks back and our conversation led to the current state of education.  We talked about how much we loved teaching and looked forward to each day.  Today's young educators are so unhappy, so stressed out, filled with anxiety and doubts - many simply choose to walk away from it.   I could go on and on about this, but suffice it to say, I am glad I chose to leave my profession when I did and have never regretted one single minute.

PEACE: 
Back in June of 2009 I embraced my new life slowly and methodically at first.  I wondered how I would fill my days at first...and now I just don't know how I ever fit working into my life!  I am busy every day - sometimes I have plans with friends, sometimes I do something creative, sometimes I shop, read, or simply play on my Mac.  And you know what?  It rocks!  I have been able to feed my creative passions in so many ways.  Finding Pinterest has opened me up to a whole new world of creative possibilities.  I have found a new level of excitement with all the things I can do with my crazy creative soul.  I have taken online and in-class courses in photography and different mediums of art.  So fulfilling to be able to enhance my realm of possibilities in so many forms of creating.  I honestly feel giddy sometimes, and I am loving it.

Most recently Artie had a health scare that sent us reeling into an unknown dimension.  Having failed a stress test he was told there was some sort of blockage and that he would need an angiogram to find the problem.  It is amazing how a message like that turns your life on a dime.  So many thoughts rushed into our heads, some we were afraid to address.  The "what ifs" wanted to take control of both of us.  We called upon our friends for prayers and waited out the days until the angiogram.  This heart thing became the 2 ton elephant in the room whether we wanted it to or not.  With God on our side, and a prayer chain's strength, the test results were favorable - no medical procedure was needed.  We were sent home with wide smiles and a chance to make things right in our lives in terms of our health.  Some people never get that second chance.  We were lucky.  I brought my man home and there is peace.

Shocking Bully Behavior at a Sporting Event - March 2012

Last night my husband, his sister, our brother in law, and I attended a Chicago Express hockey game at the Sears Centre.  It was our first time at one of these games.  The Express is a pro team affiliated with the NFL's Columbus Blue Jackets.  The game started out poorly, with the Kalamazoo Wings scoring in the first 26 seconds.  But that isn't the worst thing about the start of the game.  That initial goal unleashed a barrage of rude and unsportsmanlike conduct on the part of the Wings fans, particularly one woman (I used that term lightly) fan.  She was not a young woman by any means.  In fact, she was old enough to know better.  Along with it, she brought along a lot of hostility, ignorance, and the poorest lack of sportsmanship I have ever witnessed at a sporting event...and I've seen some pretty ugly behavior at Bears and Blackhawks games.  This experience tops all I've seen - even the brawl between two drunken women at a Bears game a few years back.  This woman didn't have alcohol to blame for her behavior...just a lack of good breeding.

Let me set the scene first.  A young Express fan was pretty verbal in his support for the team, shouting out cheers and DANCING crazily when songs were played in the venue.  Most of us in the stands were absolutely entertained by this young man...except for the Wings fan mentioned above.  This turned her into an absolute - for lack of a better word without being too graphic - IDIOT.  She and other Wings fans starting shouting things out like, "Express sucks!"  OK, I could handle that one.  I've heard worse.  But it continued.  One Wings fan began assaulting Chicago - yelling out something about how wonderful Kalamazoo is, and how we all live in the Murder Capital of the Country.  Yes, Hoffman Estates is a hotbed of crime and murder!  Well, at this point my competitive side began to get a bit riled up.  I turned around and just sort of gave them my "teacher eye" but didn't say anything.  The woman (aka IDIOT) now began her verbal assault on this teenager.  The kid just laughed it off for the most part. The Sears Centre became an arena of aggression and hostility.  Season ticket holders began letting this woman know how rude she was - let's leave the verbiage shared to your own imaginations.  Suffice it to say it wasn't pretty!

Security was then involved and spoke to the female (?) fan and warned her about her behavior.  The teen was also spoken to.  While the young man tamed down his cheers, the female fan took unsportsmanlike behavior to a whole new level.  It's funny how physically ugly someone becomes when their words are so filled with ignorance.  This brazen beast now decided to get up and walk over to the area where the players leave the ice to return to the locker room.  She unfurled a huge Wings flag, draped it over the railing, and proceeded to taunt the Express players with "You suck!" hurled at each player as they walked through.    Shamefully,  my Guagenti competitiveness began bubbling over.  But, I maintained some semblance of civility and said nothing - Artie already sensed my angst and sort of corralled me and my mouth (he did however once encourage me to "go get her").

I drew upon what I knew was best.  Be the adult.  Be a role model for the kids witnessing this debacle - who, by the way were very interested in all of the actions in the stands because at this point it was certainly better than the game being played.  The Wings went up 4-1 and stayed that way up until the 3rd period, but that can wait for a bit.

I immediately had flashbacks of some of the obnoxious/verbally abusive parents I've seen along the way through my own kids' days of youth sports.  I was always amazed at how some parents could behave in the stands.  As an educator and wife of a man who coached youth sports throughout our son's youth, I was appalled at what I saw and heard in the stands.  It became clear to me that the IDIOT was a big bully - the villain all kids fear - in an adult's body.  Judging from her appearance, I am surmising that she was the victim of bullying as a child and was getting even.

At this point in the evening, Express fans were frustrated with the scoreboard and overall play of their team.  I recalled the one and only time I ever saw my own sweet father lose his cool at a youth indoor soccer game.  Danny and his team were playing a ragtag group of deviate soccer players, obviously thrown together to wreak havoc in this indoor soccer  league - they were untalented, unskilled brutes who had probably never played a day of soccer in their teenage lives.  A wimpy official had let the game get completely out of hand.  He refused to call penalties and our kids were being assaulted on the indoor soccer field - concrete covered by fake grass.  Things got particularly ugly for us when a despicable brute literally picked up my son and threw him headfirst into the boards.  I jumped up and demanded a penalty, which never came.  I saw my father, who always sat as close to the glass as possible, stand up, and he looked angry.  The game progressed in its ugly state, and honestly, I don't know what the final score was, but I know our team (comprised of skilled Wheaton North and Glenbard North soccer players) won.

As we hooked up with my mild-mannered father again, he had a strange look in his eyes and seemed to be on a mission.  He walked quickly ahead of us and was headed towards the ref, who as I see it, put our kids' safety at risk for an entire game.  He walked up to the ref and exclaimed, "You don't deserve to wear a jockstrap!" which I guess in his day was a really bad thing to say to a ref.  Lex Luther had taken over my Superman/Clark Kent dad.  My father was quite the all-around athlete, even playing in the Cubs farm system in his younger days, and he always maintained the most appropriate decorum at sporting events.  He always talked up good sportsmanship.  But that afternoon he had lost it.  I still smile whenever I think of it.  But his meek display of frustration paled in comparison to the actions of the Wings fans.

Getting back to IDIOT's actions with the Wings flag - when the second period was about to end, a coalition of loyal Express fans took matters into their own hands...and it was a thing of sporting events beauty.  They mobilized by lining the sides of the "tunnel" as well as the railing from where IDIOT hung her flag previously.  Essentially, they blocked her from doing her heinous deed.  IDIOT didn't let that faze her much.  She stuffed herself between some fans and attempted to drape the flag again.  What happened next will stay with me for a long time.  A senior citizen Express fan positioned herself next to IDIOT and each time the ugly Wings fan tried to unfurl the flag, the senior blocked this from happening!  I sort of drew in a breath and hoped this wouldn't elevate to fisticuffs, because this would have been ugly in all sense of the word!  I think IDIOT must have sensed the feelings in the crowd and eventually slithered back to her seat.

At the end of the 2nd period, there were several brawls - the gloves off, jerseys over the head kind - and lots of penalties doled out.  This only heightened the fervor in the Sears Centre.  I noted that whomever plays the music in the arena saves the loudest head-banger music for when things get heated.  This seems to whip the crowd into a blood-thirsty frenzy.  I am not sure if the Express players were aware of this assault on good fan behavio, but in the 3rd period they went crazy!

Now to the good part of the evening... the Express entered the ice for the third period facing a three goal deficit.  They had done nothing right up to this point.  It seemed to me that it was the very atmosphere in the Sears Centre that changed them.  They must have been picking up the vibes of hostility in the stands...and that "devil music" sure didn't help any to calm things down!  They began the period with a  two-player advantage and scored a goal pretty quickly.  The fans loved it.  But they loved it even more when the Express scored a total of 4 unanswered goals to win the game.  Suddenly IDIOT was silenced, as were the other Kalamazoo fans who had earlier tried to flaunt the lead their team had.  It was a thing of sporting beauty.  The Express won the game.

It turned out to actually be a fun evening.  Lots of laughter (thanks, crazy dancing kid), some arousal of my competitive side (thanks, IDIOT), and the miracle of a come-from-behind victory.  This is always fun, in any event or phase of life.

The Gift of Summer in March 2012

I guess it's been eons since I've last blogged.  I am not sure why I even set out to do it today.  I think it's because my heart is so full with maximum joy for the weather we have been blessed with for the past week, and when my heart is full I feel the need to write...  or create something.  I did that last week when I completed two glass dome projects and a tulip wreath for the front door.  Could it be because we've had eighty degree days and glorious sunshine?  You bet!

Speaking of this awesome warm weather, Artie and I succumbed to the heat yesterday and turned on our AC.  Seriously?  Air conditioning in March?  Yes.  It was very warm in our house and we just decided to suck it up and crank up the machine that has sat idle since about September of last year.  It has been worth it.  My allergies are so much happier, and thus, so am I.  The premature budding of all the flora and fauna out my doors is already wreaking havoc on my poor nose and eyes.  This isn't supposed to happen until late April or early May.  No...I am not complaining.  I realize we could be shoveling snow or wearing sweaters, scarves and mittens instead.

While walking into my closet to find something more suited for the summer-like weather we've been having, I glanced over the rack and realized that I hadn't even worn some of the new cold weather clothing I bought!  I smiled because I realized that they will still be in perfect shape for next year's cold wintery days.

I will not lie when I say that this warm weather has given me reason to pause a bit too.  Because I've been a native Chicagoan/Suburbanite my whole life (except for that 15 month stint in Janesville, WI some 12  1/2 years ago), my pessimistic side is conjured up.  I keep waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop.  TV weather forecasters are conflicted too.  Some of them say we are done for the season - one even said that plants may be confused, but migratory birds are not, and they have arrived.  Another lamented that we are "not out of the woods yet".  It is, after all, Chicagoland and we natives know that if you don't like the weather here, wait five minutes and it will change.  This waiting and wondering when it will is a bit unnerving.  Do I switch out my closet from winter to summer or wait until Mothers Day - you know, like we have to do in order to plant around these parts?  I saw some foolish people buying rose bushes yesterday.  I chuckled to myself and thought they must be new to these parts.

I want more of this next winter...please, La Nina?  This is the first winter I can remember in which I didn't have cabin fever once.  I didn't miss having to shovel paths in the grass for Guinness to do his "business".  I didn't miss having chattering teeth while the car warmed up.  I didn't miss my runny nose turning to icicles in five minutes of being outside.  I didn't miss having to take long soaks to get the chill out of my body.  In other words, I didn't miss a typical Chicago winter.  In the meanwhile, I am just going to take this all in, revel in it, soak up the sunshine, listen to the twitterings of all the birds as they ready their nests, watch my tulips poking through, and shoot photos of anything that looks better in its new state than it did during icky winter...which was not bad at all this year.

By the way, my grandkids are loving this most of all.  I am too because I get great shots of them!