Cabin Fever to the Nth Degree!

I must be getting old. I am experiencing one of the worst cases of Cabin Fever ever! I have become as grouchy as a troll under a musty bridge! This winter has really been devastating to my psyche. I have never wanted sunshine more than I do now. As luck would have it, our trip to Florida - supposedly to escape the dreariness of Illinois in winter - turned out to be a continuation of lousy, chilly, damp, and wet weather! All we wanted was some sunshine, and what we got was 1.5 days out of 7. Is that sad or what? The Sunshine State failed us miserably. My streak of bringing rain wherever I go seems to have escalated to the point of ridiculousness. I have brought rain everywhere we have traveled in the past year. Will I bring record rains to Maui in July? Will there be no rainbows because of cloud cover? Now I know I should not be complaining because I have gotten to go on vacation and all, but I have been actually finding myself perseverating over these dark and dreary days to the point of almost having an anxiety attack over it. Lunching with our retirees group yesterday helped a lot, but today I had to cancel plans for a birthday luncheon with my dear former 5th grade colleagues because Landon has strep and I will have to watch him while Lindsay runs Aniella to school. Not such a big deal to most, but to me, devastating! I am now pouting, crabby, and ready to scream. Being up since 4:30 with Guinness acting weirdly did not help my case. I think today might be a day to call upon my creative juices. Do I dare break out the oils and paint something? I had planned to paint a picture for one of my pregnant friend's nursery, but if I do attempt it and mess up or have an "artist's block" will that put me over the edge?

To make things worse, I have also reached a saturation point with cooking for 8 people every day. I am sick of all things food, have no desire to make new things, despite having a collection of cookbooks, online recipes, and foodie magazines lying all around me. Eating out is not an option. Too expensive for 8 people to do it daily...but it sure is tempting sometimes. I love it when my son in law pitches in and does the cooking, but I don't expect him to do it after working all day and then coming home to three kids, a dog, and Lindsay.

Don't worry about me. All it will take is some sunshine to turn my frown upside down. Why do I live in this part of the country?? I know the answer, and that frustrates me even more. Hope your life is filled with sunshine - literally or figuratively.

New Year's Reflections

I hadn't realized it has been over two months since my last post. Time flies when your life takes a 360 degree turn, I guess. I can easily say my days often belong to others instead of myself. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Change is very hard, especially when I had become set in the ways of my retired life. That quiet often sedentary life was kind of nice in retrospect. I had so much more time to do nothing, and now I long for those moments. I miss being able to sit with my laptop and idle away for hours if I wanted to, no questions asked, no demands for my time or attention. But I also love hearing my grandkids laughing or asking for me. It's a tradeoff for sure, but I like it that way.

Christmas this year was like a Christmas of the past - waking up with the little ones, seeing the sheer joy on their faces when they saw Santa's bounty. I loved seeing our family room in "ruins"- wrapping paper strewn from one end to the other. I loved watching Brennan playing in a box instead of with the many toys he received. Isn't that always the case? You spend oodles of money on toys and the kids prefer the boxes, paper, and bows.

The New Year is now upon me and I am feeling a bit contemplative. So many things run through my mind about what I hope to achieve in the next year. 2010 has been a challenging year for me, one I hope isn't replicated. I hope to write more - on the next children's book I have in my head. I hope to make time to read more. I now have a "studio" to escape to...now if I can figure out how to get there without anyone noticing that I've disappeared.

I wish all who read this post a happy, healthy, peace-filled New Year. I am approaching 2011 with some trepidation. I've earned that right.

Autumnal Bliss and Pinings

It's been a long time since I've posted on my blog. A recent trip to Hayward, WI to visit our dearest friends, the Lewandowskis, gave me reason to pause and reflect once again...

I have never been what you call an outdoorsy person. I am Chicago bred and raised to the age of 15, and suburban living since that age has done little to change that. Camping, in anything other than a 4 or 5 star hotel, is a definite "not gonna happen". Fear of spiders and other multi-legged and winged creatures has not evaded me as I've aged. I still quiver at the sight of a spider or worm! I have, however, developed a passion for all things beautiful in nature - a doe and her fawn, an eagle or hawk soaring, the cerulean blue of an autumn sky with the fall colors glowing in front of it, a sunset over a lake, or the scent of pine in a national forest. My passion for photography has fueled this drive to see and do more. In my older years I have done more hiking than ever, despite two bum knees and a whole lot of arthritis trying to set me back. I have pushed myself and it has been worth the occasional aches and pains that follow. Two years ago a two-mile hike would have been deemed impossible, but total knee replacement on my left leg has allowed me to move on - literally and figuratively.

Being away from home in the gorgeous setting of the North Woods of Wisconsin allowed me to breathe a little deeper, ponder, and most of all escape to spend some quality time with Artie, and of course our wonderful hosts Lou Ann and Joe. Experiencing the north woods with Joe, who is incredibly knowledgeable about the area, its history, and all of the things to see and do, was incredible. Theirs is the only home I can feel completely comfortable in - free to be without makeup, no fuss-no muss. I could lounge in my jammies until 10 if I wanted and no one cared. I could sit and read without feeling I had to be initiating conversation. The pauses in their world are welcomed ones. Sitting on the sofa and staring out their windows at Lake Callahan was better medicine than any doctor could provide. Food for the soul. I never would have dreamed, growing up a city kid, that the sight of a nuthatch, chickadee, blue jay or woodpecker would set me all aflutter. Communing with the deer was an experience I will never forget. Feeling the trust of a young fawn as she allowed me to get within 10 yards of her to take photos will live in my mind for as long as it works.

Our time in Hayward reminded me of what poets and great thinkers who wrote about nature must have felt when they penned their memories and thoughts so eloquently. Being so close to all of God's masterpieces and being privileged enough to be part of it emptied my mind at times, but also filled it with ponderings. I was amazed at how time does seem to stand still when it comes to close friendships. I have been blessed to befriend so many wonderful people in my 57 years, but few stand the test of time like our relationship with Lou Ann and Joe. We can pick up where we left off between the months that pass where we do not see one another. I think that is a rare gift.

The photos I've posted are among my favorites of the 450 shots I took. They give a flavor of the wonderful time we had, and the mind cleansing we experienced.

Where is My Endless Summer Going?

For me life is one endless summer - one of the many perks of retirement. I confess that summer is NOT my favorite season in any way, shape or form. I do not like heat and I despise humidity and its effects on both my hair and armpits. Gross, right? Give me temps in the 70s or even low 80s and I am one happy camper. Anything higher and I am holed up inside with the AC blasting. Mind you, I am sitting inside now and it is a picture perfect day, but I am tired and wanted to do absolutely nothing today but play on my MacBook. Drives Lindsay crazy! She is convinced I am addicted to my laptop...and you know what? I am! As I have explained to my daughter, I worked 28 years to earn the right and privilege to do nothing! I do not, however, consider it nothing, playing on the computer. It keeps my brain working, and we all know that an idle mind is the Devil's workshop...or something like that! I do some of my best "work" on my laptop. I converse with friends, read about the world, check Facebook, vote on Capture My Chicago (hey, I am helping to shape the coffee table book in which one my photos was published - a full page - last year in the contest), and yes, I do occasionally SHOP online! Any you know what? I dig it. Every last minute of the time I spend on my laptop. It keeps me busy, and off the streets.

I do get out, and I even subject my body to some exercise - swimming in our swim spa. I am one with water. I've said it before. I don't even mind the giggles and sneers people give me when they learn I was a synchronized swimmer...but that is old news. I've blogged about that before. Getting back to this endless summer thing - although I don't love this season, I appreciate it because I know that in a few short months (weeks?) the weather will turn and then I will be crabbing about how short autumn is and how lllllooonnnngggg winter is! I have lived in the Chicagoland area my whole life. Why then do I hate winter more and more every year? Could it be that my aging body aches, throbs, and is angry all winter long? Arthritis has seen to it that the dreaded winter season makes me even more crabby. I have knobs and bumps on my hands that make me want to wear gloves even when INSIDE! Midwesterners get the short end of the weather stick, don't we? Long winters, short springs, dreadfully hot and humid summers, and short autumn. Why do we stay? Every winter I plot my revenge against the Chicagoland winters and am convinced that this will be our last winter here. I dream of the "perfect" place to live, and you know what? There is no such place! Those places along the Gulf and oceans may have great weather, but they also have hurricanes. Places that have mountains have lots of snow and cold. Other places, like San Diego has its share of pitfalls too - way too many people, including lots of illegals crossing the border. I have always dreamed of living in Asheville, North Carolina. I know they have nasty ice storms. We may have lots of snow and cold but we have few ice storms. Last year's ice storm brought some of my best photo ops.

And let's face it, the real reason I am still here - year after dreaded winter - is family! My kids and grandkids, my mom, brother and sister (despite our differences, of course) my sister and brother in law on Artie's side, and all my nieces, nephews and their kids too. Artie and I had our experiment at living in another state and we hated it! It just wasn't home. So, when this endless summer ends, I guess I will be bearing down and preparing for yet another long, horrible winter...but at least I will have company!! All of you that stick it out with me year after year! For that I am willing to stick it out.

I Am 6 (plus 50)

As you probably know, my daughter, son in law, three grandkids and their dog are now living with us. To say my life is different now is an understatement. Gone are the moments of silent bliss, gone is sitting in my chair alone, gone is going to the bathroom in peace, etc. With the arrival of my grandchildren came the "pitter patter of little feet" indeed...and whining, crying, and lots of discussions about why they can't do certain things. This has all given me pause to reflect back on my days of raising their mother and uncle. Being a grandparent gives you a chance to make better some of the dumb things you did as a young parent. I find myself being much more in control this time around. Not that it is always a cake walk, because it isn't. I am a LOT older, maybe wiser, and definitely more tired now. I actually slept until 8:30 one morning last week! That hasn't happened in years and years.

On Monday Landon turned 6 years old. For weeks he has been telling us all the things he will be able to do now that he is 6. It has been extremely humorous to hear him talk about this monumental event in his life. While driving in the Zimny family van to Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate this event I was chatting away with Landon and it occurred to me that I am, and will always be, 50 years older than him. For some reason this struck a cord with me. I am a half century older than my first grandchild! Hearing him tell me all of his plans for what he will do now that he is 6 has made me think about how important it is to never stop dreaming about what you want to do when you grow up. The words of a 6 year old have, once again, made more sense to me than anything else.

On Tuesday I was getting ready to leave for Book Club and both Landon and Aniella were very sad that I was leaving. They questioned me about where I was going, how long I would be gone, and why I had to leave. They even walked me to the garage door and stood and waved goodbye to me. I had a flashback to the days when Artie and I would go out and leave the kids with my parents or one of my nieces, and how they would be so sad that we were leaving. I had the very same guilt pangs I had on Tuesday that I had when we would go out for a much-needed break from raising children. But the best part of my day was coming home from Book Club and being greeted by two little munchkins who screamed out my name and jumped into my arms, telling me how much they missed me! I was actually overwhelmed by this and it made me realize just how lucky I am to have the life I have now. It may be tough at times, and I may drown in the pity pool frequently, but when I walk in the door and am greeted in that way I know I will smile inside and out.

Life Can turn on a Dime

Just one year ago I retired from teaching after 28 years. It has been blissful, fun, and relaxing. That was then and this is now...

Two days ago my daughter and her family (husband, three kids and their Westie) moved in with us for good. What once seemed like a roomy 3-bedroom ranch nows feels a bit like an upscale sardine can with a large great room. Life does that sometimes. Their move in has forced me to be proactive in purging unneeded and unnecessary "stuff". Coincidentally our neighborhood is having a garage sale this upcoming weekend! SCORE! I am now hoping my "trash" becomes a whole lot of people's "treasure"!

Back to our current reality...the deafening (and peace filled) silence is now filled with little voices. Sometimes those voices are music to my ears and sometimes I would rather run my fingernails down my old chalkboard. The kids have adjusted well to their new digs. We decorated their room with an undersea theme. It is adorable. Bunk beds have made the room large enough to play in. Right now Landon and Annie are sharing the room and co-habitating nicely. Brennan is sleeping with his mommy and daddy. Needless to say finishing the basement has now become a reality. So, the purging has become a much-needed event in the Cybul home.

Anyone who wants to come "shopping" at our garage sale, it will be Friday and Saturday, June 4 & 5.

It's Official! I am a GROWNUP now!

I just returned from spending 5 days in Las Vegas with Artie, who was out there for his company's annual conference. How did this trip make me proclaim my status as a grownup? Well, because I did many things that now have catapulted me to that point.

I must backtrack a bit to share with you that I was a VERY sheltered child. Born eight years after my sister, and ten years after my brother, I was the true "baby" of the family. My parents and grandparents spoiled me and kept me in my own little princess castle existence. Because my grandparents lived with us, I never spent a moment with a babysitter. And, ready for this, NEVER spent even an hour alone until I was a freshman in college. Needless to say some of those "firsts" were very intimidating to me.

Fast forward to my marriage to Artie. He has continued the spoiling and sheltering, which I welcomed since I was used to it. Some of the "firsts" in our married life were frightening for me. I remember being terrified to be alone when he worked late or had to go out of town. Since I am pretty much a crybaby you can imagine how many tears were shed as I knocked back some of the experiences that shape us as adults. I became an official adult when I began my teaching career. Having to step into the role of educator and working with parents makes you do that pretty quickly. I handled that fairly well, if I don't say so myself. Was I a grownup yet? NOPE!

OK, so I've set the stage for you to understand why I have officially become a grownup. Are you ready? OK, here is why I became a GROWNUP this past week:

1. I flew alone for the first time ever - Artie was on another flight
2. I found and retrieved my own luggage for the first time
3. I took a tour to see the Grand Canyon all by myself since Artie was tied up in meetings.
4. I did the Skywalk at the West Rim of the Grand Canyon - 4,000 feet above the floor of the canyon
5. I ate alone in restaurants and didn't feel creepy.
6. I walked the streets of Las Vegas alone
7. I rode one of Vegas' monorails alone
8. I gambled alone (no, didn't win a thing)

Add to that I've begun putting my own gas in my car (see, I told you Artie was helping to keep my sheltered)!

So, it's official. I have now conquered some of my "fears" at age 56. I even did one of the things on my Bucket List! I love being in my 50s.